I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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