remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
