the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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