pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
