It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
