thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
