In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
one two three fourrrrnication!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
