I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
