Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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