a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
