Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
