I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
