I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
