I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
