I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
