I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
