Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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