i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
