Nicole vs. Life
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
