Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You ruined the universe
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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