Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
