...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
