I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
