Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
