its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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