I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
