Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
vagina is talking i cant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
