They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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