My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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