Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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