im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
