I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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