smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
