My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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