Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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