she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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