That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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