where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
