I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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