oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
