At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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