Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
