Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
