Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
