When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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