He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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