Got a toothbrush?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize