Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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