I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
