Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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