Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
