I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
