i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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