Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
