I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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