just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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