He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just want to make out with him forever
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
