South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
