Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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