Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
