Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
