literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
