You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
