we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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