Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
